i don't like sucking hair
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
