Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
