seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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