he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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