i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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