his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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