We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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