Jerry, you need to find god
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
