I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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