i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
