last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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