I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
