Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
