Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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