So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
