What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
