Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
