his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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