I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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