It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
