i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize