I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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