I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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