Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
