I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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