What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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