i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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