Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
