People in love make me want to vomit
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize