I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
