This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
