Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
