Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
