a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
