This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
