Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
