Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize