How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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