I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
