You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize