Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
