did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
