508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and she was petting her beer can
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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