Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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