So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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