I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm like, not good at living.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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