i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
