Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
