Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
