He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
