my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
