Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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