I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
