this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just blew my weed a kiss
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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