So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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