My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
