She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
